S3E5: When We Make Mistakes

Welcome back to Following Jesus in Nursing. We're continuing our season, Finding Hope in Hard Places. Today you'll hear from Sarah, a nurse practitioner, who shares honestly about making a medication error early in her nursing career and about how shame, fear, and self doubt met the steady grace of God. Our Scripture for today comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Let's begin with a short prayer.

God, meet us in our weakness today. For every nurse carrying fear, regret, or self doubt, remind us that we are not defined by our mistakes, but we are held by your grace. Give us peace, humility, and hope as we listen. Amen.

"What if" just kept on playing over and over in my mind and emotionally, I was devastated because I felt like I failed, not just professionally, but personally. And there was this deep sense of guilt. And ultimately, I had to come to terms that the fact that this was a learning moment, not the end of my journey, but at the time, it definitely shook me. I didn't feel like I could fix that mistake. But I began to sense God reminding me that I was not defined by this one moment and that my value wasn't wrapped up in my performance or perfection. I started to understand that he was using this experience to grow me, not to break me, but to show me that his grace was greater than any error I could have made.

Welcome, Sarah. Can you introduce yourself to our listeners today?

Absolutely. I've been a nurse for about 10 years now. And I've been a family nurse practitioner for four years in primary care. I live on the East Coast. And I really enjoy hiking and board games.

Nice. What's a favorite place that you've hiked or a favorite board game of yours?

I would say on the Appalachian Trail has been really pretty. And a recent board game that's been great is called Wavelength. Because it allows you to get to know people and where their heads are at.

Oh, that sounds intriguing. We might have to play that sometime. Absolutely. Well, we are talking about hard stories and finding hope in hard places in life. So could you just take us back to the time that you want to share about today and tell us what your life was looking like then and what was happening?

Yeah. So for that, I wanted to go back to when I was on orientation as a brand new nurse. It was my first 90 days during orientation after getting my license and just graduating. I had a patient I was giving medication to and it was a late night shift. I was on all nights my first year of nursing.

I gave the medication through the IV. And I thought it was weird because the medication wasn't clear. And I was like, usually IV medications are clear, but I didn't think too much of it. It was a vitamin. And the next night, my preceptor called me and asked how I gave the medication.

And she told me it was actually an IM injection that I was supposed to have given in his arm. Not only did I give the wrong medication method, I didn't catch myself at the time. She told me the patient was okay. Thankful for that. But I couldn't believe I'd made such a mistake. And what if I had hurt the patient? That's what kept on going through my mind.

Yeah. Oh, man. I just imagine that moment of hearing your preceptor explain what happened and my stomach clenches thinking about it. What was it like for you? How did you feel in those moments physically, emotionally, spiritually?

Well, when I realized what I had done, it felt sort of like time stopped during that call. The weight of that mistake hit me in different waves. And after I got off the call, the anxiety instantly kicked in. My heart was racing. My stomach dropped.

I couldn't again stop thinking what if something had happened to that patient. Even though my preceptor reassured me that the patient was fine, that I probably helped him that I got an IV push instead of IM, The "what if" just kept on playing over and over in my mind. And emotionally, I was devastated because I felt like I had failed, not just professionally, but personally. My confidence was shattered. I'd worked so hard to get my license, pass my boards, be a nurse. And I felt like in that moment, I sort of let everything slip through my fingers.

And I couldn't believe I had missed such a simple detail, like really the difference of one letter on a label. And there was this deep sense of guilt. Again, what if I had caused harm to someone I was supposed to care for? It didn't happen this time, but it could happen next time. What else could I have missed, you know, in between?

Spiritually, I was also really shaken because I've always trusted God, that he would guide me in my work. But in that moment, I felt really alone. Again, it made me question how could I be so careless when people's lives are in my hands? I felt distant from God, like my faith wasn't enough to get me through that fear and shame that I was feeling. It was as if this mistake had sort of put a wall between me and his peace.

I struggled with that idea, that this failure might reflect poorly on my ability to be the nurse I had hoped to be. And it was a deep test of my trust in him. And I wasn't sure if I could trust myself again. And I was really afraid to go back to work at that point.

Yeah. That feels so heavy. I know sometimes when we make mistakes or something big like this happens, it can bring up questions for us around our faith in God and our relationship with the Lord and even our sense of what he's called us to do. So what did that look like for you? What questions came up for you around this time?

Yeah. So as a new nurse, you know, I had already been feeling the pressure of trying to prove myself, getting everything right, being quick, efficient, being competent while on my orientation. And when I made that mistake, to me, it didn't feel like just one mistake. It felt like a sign that I wasn't cut out for this, that I had worked so hard to become a nurse, but yet potentially putting a patient at risk because of a simple potentially avoidable error. And I started questioning, Am I really capable of this? Can I be trusted with other people's lives? Do I want that stress feeling like I have people's lives in my hands? And then on a deeper level, it was hard to reconcile the faith I had with the fear I was feeling. I knew God is supposed to bring peace in times of trouble. But in that moment, all I could feel was fear and self doubt.

I thought, maybe God is testing me, or maybe I'm just not the person he wants in this role. And that internal conflict, because wanting to do good and serve him well and trust in his plan was mixed with the guilt that I felt for this mistake. And it really left me spiritually exhausted. But it was in that moment where I had to wrestle with God in the midst of this failure and whether I could still trust that he was guiding me, even though I had made mistakes. And it really digged at a deeper lie to myself that my worth is based on my performance and actions. And ultimately, I had to come to terms with the fact that this was a learning moment, not the end of my journey, but at the the time, it definitely shook me.

Yeah, definitely. I could see why. So you've kind of started to hint at this, that it was a learning moment, that you were wrestling with God. But tell me more about what that looked like as you engaged with the Lord and went back and forth and brought those fears into that space of faith. What did that look like for you? How did you see God's hand in that season?

That experience really reminded me of my need for him and my need to rely on him. When I couldn't sleep for multiple nights, I just started to pray through that guilt and those feelings. And as I continue to pray day after day, God's peace began to fill the spaces in my heart where fear had taken over. I didn't feel like I could fix that mistake. But I began to sense God reminding me that I was not defined by this one moment and that my value wasn't wrapped up in my performance or perfection.

I started to understand that he was using this experience to grow me, not to break me, but to show me that his grace was greater than any error I could have made. So as I continued to process things, I saw God working through the support of my colleagues and friends who really offered me compassion and encouragement. But more profoundly, I began to really experience a deeper understanding of God's forgiveness, both for myself and for others. I realized that even in my own weakness, God's strength was at work. He was teaching me humility, patience, and grace.

And really sensing his presence in that aftermath is what carried me and continues to help me in my journey throughout nursing. One of the Scriptures that I clung to was 2 Corinthians 12:9, where Paul writes, "But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, will boast all the more gladly of my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." I needed this as a reminder that God's grace covers all of my weaknesses, including the mistakes I made in my work. I also prayed a simple prayer at that time of God, please help me learn from this. Let me see myself as you see me not as a failure, but as a person who is learning and growing in your grace. And this prayer really helped me refocus on the truth that my identity is not in my performance or mistakes, but in who God says I am.

I love that Scripture.

Looking back, I can really see how God used that moment to shape me both as a nurse and a person. He used that failure to teach me that my identity is not tied to how well I perform, but to his love for me regardless of my mistakes. I also saw how he placed mentors and supportive people in my life. My preceptor, thank God for her, you know, despite the difficult conversation, she didn't just point out the mistake, but she helped me understand the bigger picture and growth of nursing and really just helped me, you know, to grow and, and also was a great model of grace in leadership for me. And in that broader sense, I saw how God used this experience again in my moments of stress and failure and feeling overwhelmed. Again just to come to him and how he uses these challenges to really form us into better versions of ourselves, for me as a nurse, a person, and just a believer in general.

I really appreciate how your preceptor seems to have handled the situation. And I agree. What a great example of a person of grace in your life. And I'm learning from her, even just hearing your story of how respond to people in moments of vulnerability and to do that with grace and correction, but just sort of coaching them through that because that is hard. So tell me more about what you learned about yourself and about God through this journey.

I learned that I'm still growing. Nursing is a journey. And no matter how prepared I felt, there will always be room for learning, growth, and I continue to make mistakes. I've learned that my worth isn't found in how well I perform, but in God's grace, and the fact that I am his, I need continuous reminders of that to myself daily. And professionally, I learned to not rush through tasks, especially when I'm tired, but also not be paralyzed by fear of making a mistake.

Knowing those five medication rights, there is a reason why they drill that to you in nursing school and learning how to continue to handle mistakes. After that, I've made two additional med errors that I have caught and worked through and processed. But again, I'm not letting these mistakes define who I am. And from a faith perspective, I learned that God's grace is deeper and more abundant than I realized. He doesn't expect perfection from us, but invites us into a relationship with him where we can be honest about our weaknesses.

And I've learned that I need to extend that same grace to myself that God offers me.

That's so good. So for people who might be listening today, whether they're a nursing student or nurse or an educator, if they're feeling overwhelmed or maybe they've made a mistake recently or just going through something hard, what would you say to them as encouragement today?

I would say that you are not alone in your struggles and you're not defined by your mistakes. Nursing can be incredibly overwhelming, especially when you're starting out. But remembering that every challenge is a chance to grow. It's okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them and don't let those mistakes define us. Reach out for help when you need it, whether it's from a mentor, colleague, friend.

Don't isolate yourself in these moments of failure or doubt. You are called to this work and your worth doesn't come from being perfect or doing the right things, but from doing your best with the gifts God has given you.

Also just a practical piece of advice of working for a high reliability organization. It means that that health system has a systems approach to solving errors that does not involve blaming the individual. One of my other medication errors I've made led to a change in our system of changing the emphasis of that medication name in the electronic medical records so other folks would also not make the same mistake with a new vaccine that had been rolled out.

That's so great that they responded that way and helped prevent future mistakes because it sounds like you said it was one letter difference. be so stressful.

Absolutely.

Well, as we wrap up today, Sarah, how would you kind of summarize what you've talked about and what you've shared today?

I would say that God is faithful in hard places even when we feel like we failed. He meets us where we are, and he brings healing, strength, and grace in our brokenness.

Oh, it's so good. What a good word. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us today and just for trusting us with this part of your journey. And I think it's going to be so helpful for those who are hearing it today as they reflect on their own experiences. So thank you.

Yeah, thank you for the opportunity to share and be vulnerable. And I hope that my story will help whoever's listening today.

As we close today, I'd invite us to hold on to this truth. God's grace meets us even in our failure. When mistakes shake our confidence, he reminds us that we are still called, we are still growing, and we are still held by God. Sarah's story is a reminder that our worth is not found in flawless performance, but in God's sustaining grace. And that growth often happens in community, not in isolation.

Sarah's preceptor was a balanced voice of encouragement and feedback that helped Sarah become the gracious and humble nurse she is today. If you'd like to be like Sarah and her preceptor, I'd encourage you to join NCF's mentorship program as a mentor or as a mentee. It's a meaningful way to connect with other nurses who desire to follow Jesus in their work. You can learn more at ncf-jcn.org/membership/mentorship. Thank you for listening to Following Jesus in Nursing.

If this episode encouraged you, please consider sharing it, subscribing, or leaving a review. Sarah, thanks again for being with us and to our listeners, may you know the depth of God's grace and peace wherever you are today.