S3E4: When It's All Too Much

Welcome back, y'all. We're continuing season 3 of Following Jesus in Nursing, where we're talking about finding hope in hard places. As nurses and nursing students, there are seasons when everything seems to come at once. When life stacks loss upon loss, when the news keeps coming and your strength feels thin, it can all feel like too much to carry sometimes.

Today's guest is Katharine, who will be sharing about a season when bad news was piling on. She reflects honestly on the overwhelm and on the gentle ways God reminded her that he was already present and at work even before she could see what was ahead. Before we begin, let's start with a Scripture and a prayer. "The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.'" 1 Kings 19:11

Lord, when life feels like too much and we don't know what to do next, help us to stand in your presence. Quiet our hearts so we can notice you passing by even in the midst of uncertainty. Meet us here today. Amen.

I think I was pretty numb. Like, it kind of doesn't seem real. And, you know, to be honest, like, I was really wanting some answers from God. I wanted to know, Okay, what's in this journey? I feel like I've been faithful in following you, Lord, and this doesn't seem like a road I wanna be on. And it just reminds me of 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was really distressed and he was burned out and he was just seeking God. God came to him in a whisper. And so just looking for God in the whisper, positioning yourself in the right place, being obedient to that, because when you're in the right place to hear his whisper is when you feel him holding you.

Welcome, Katharine. I'm so excited to have you on today. Could you just get us started with introducing yourself and maybe share something about something that's giving you joy lately in life?

Yeah. It's great to be here with you, Lara. My name is Katharine Provost. I'm one of the associate directors with NCF Student Ministries, and I live in Minnesota, and I have two adult daughters. Seeing them always brings me joy.

But lately, I started going to a new church, and I'm just really excited about the discussions that we're getting into just about living out the Bible in our world and really being able to dig into Scripture and challenge each other.

That sounds awesome. Well, we are gonna dive into the deep end with some hard stuff today. So I know you have quite a story to share with us. Could you just start by taking us back to the time that you want to share about and tell us what was going on and what was happening for you?

Sure. About 7 years ago--and this was before my time working at NCF--I was working at what we'll call a secure job. Those ones that we think we're not gonna lose and super safe job. I was raising teenage girls as a single mom, and I had earlier in the year started working on eating better, exercising, and just the whole healthy thing. It was really time to pull things together and just in general care for myself.

And one of those things was making sure I got my routine mammogram. I had had them before, and it was no big deal. No big deal in a relative term rate. It's always uncomfortable, but I wasn't worried about the outcome. But from that, I ended up needing a follow-up, and I thought, well, that's weird.

At the follow-up, I needed a biopsy, and it started getting a little scary. Mhmm. So then I didn't hear anything for a week, and I was just waiting on answers. You know? And no news isn't always good news. Right? So my mind started thinking all kinds of things. I started getting concerned, and I was calling the doctor's office and not getting responses. Nobody was answering me and saying what the progress was a couple times. So finally, I think I left a kinda mean. anxious voice mail and And my doctor called back and said, apparently, there had been an issue because the medical systems don't always talk to each other the way they're supposed to. And so I got a call from my doctor and she was actually confirming that it was cancer.

In that same week, I found out that my secure job contract was actually not so secure, and it was gonna be ending within a few months. And my grandma, who I was really close to, passed away. And it was just a lot to take on all at once.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Katharine, that's so much. In general, each thing is a lot. And then to have it all happen altogether. So how did that feel for you in those moments physically, emotionally, spiritually? What was going on for you?

I think I was pretty numb. Like, it kind of doesn't seem real at first, but tired, not necessarily in a physical way, but more of this emotional swimming or, like, just an overall exhaustion. And I was confused. I couldn't see the "why in what the path was. I mean, I wanna know where we're going, and this wasn't a path I had planned.

So I guess I was frustrated. And, you know, to be honest, like, I was really wanting some answers from God. I wanted to know, okay, what's in this journey? I feel like I've been faithful in following you, Lord, and this doesn't seem like a road I wanna be on.

Yeah. Exactly. So, tell me more about that. Were there specific challenges that made you question your calling or your sense of faith?

I think part of it was that everything was happening at once. It was like you can't put out one fire before, you know, the next one. It was just a bunch of them. And so it made me question, like, was I not aligned with where God wanted me to be? And when I did feel solid, you know, I prayed and I felt that confidence, then other people would respond things like, oh, that's not fair.

God won't give you more than you can handle. And, you know that I had enough on my plate just trying to get through daily life. And I know they were trying to respond sympathetically, and I do appreciate that, but it made my mind kind of agree with them and take me away from where God was trying to take me. One of the things I was trying to follow his lead on being more healthy and seeing my work as ministry, but why if the rug was just gonna keep getting pulled out from underneath me?

I have a follow-up question about that. So it sounds like people around you were responding, Okay, this isn't fair. You had enough on your plate, and they were trying to be sympathetic. How do you wish they would have responded? Or what would have been a more helpful, supportive way that they could have responded to you?

That's actually a really good question because I don't know if there is really a response; there's not a response that's gonna make it go away. So I think it was the ones who just hugged me, gave me a Kleenex said, I'm here.

Yeah.

And then check back because I think part of it is that people would say things and then not check back two weeks later and just say, How are you doing? What can I do?

Yeah. I'm here. I like that.

Absolutely.

The power of presence. Kathy and I talked a lot about that last season.

Exactly. I mean, it's with a lot of things in life, but cancer just made me just feel gross. Like, I didn't wanna talk about it.

You know, there were a lot of stages where I was like, I just feel like I don't want someone to hug me, you know, on this side. And there were some people who just did, you know, who were like, okay. I'll hug you on the other side and were just showed me they were there.

So as you look back now, how did you see God's hand in that season? Well, I think a lot of it was I knew in my mind that he was at work no matter what happened. So no matter what was going on, I knew he did have a plan, in my mind. But in that time, I felt him reaching out to my heart more. Just reminding me during that week. I mean, remembering all these things are going on and throughout that week that as this news was unraveling, just speaking to my heart and one big moment as I drove into work in the early mornings, so it was still dark. I think I heard something on the radio or something about the time of the sunrise, and it suddenly struck me. This realization that the time that we call sunrise, it's actually still dark. It's before we see these cool bright colors. And for some reason in that moment, it was just like God saying, Yeah, I'm here before you see it. It was him at work even though I couldn't see his plan.

And as I pulled into work and the sun is just coming up, you know, and all these colors over this cool field, and it was gorgeous. And I took a picture of it because I knew I needed that to remind myself that just like this dark bloomed into this you know, before I knew what was going on, God was creating that. You know, the sun was there ready to rise. And, you know, all of a sudden, instead of just seeing, you know, darkness, all of sudden, you can see shapes of trees and stuff. And so I took a picture of that to remind myself, like, the peace I felt in that moment.

And I know that was God's hand just touching directly on my heart saying, this is the peace. Remember this moment. And just knowing that in the dark, God was there and that he was going to be there, that he wasn't surprised and that he was in control. The Sunday after this crazy week, which was, you know, finding out my job would end, that my grandma died, and that I had cancer, the sermon at church was on trust. And it was like every word that came through was there to strengthen me.

And, you know, I don't know if you've ever had that where it just feels like the Holy Spirit is speaking directly to you. And I know that the sermons are planned well in advance, so the pastor I hadn't talked to about my week. And so it just had to be God's own reminder, like, of what trust is like, and that really carried me. You know, it just helped me reorder myself. From that point, it wasn't like a big act, but it was in little moments here and there.

I had a friend whose husband worked at the hospital, and she just happened--we know it's just not happening--but to be at the hospital the day I was going into surgery and popped by and prayed with me. And it was just so cool to have the two of them in this place where my family couldn't be, but they could. And praying with me, it just was such a reminder that it wasn't a coincidence that they were both there that day. It was like people that were in my daughter's lives at that time to support them.

I just think that was cool that God lined that up, that certain people were there in their lives that could support them. And it was help that came without asking that I knew was God nudging people.

I love that it's a mix of big things and little things. Like, God clearly spoke to you through the sunrise and through this pastor's sermon on a Sunday. But then also it's just these little little sprinkles too to remind you in between the big moments. I love that God is gracious to do that. These loud and clear messages, but then also the sprinkle messages.

The sprinkle messages. I love that.

So a lot of times hard things end up really forming us and we end up learning a lot, I think about ourselves, about God. So tell me a little bit more about your learnings during that time.

Yeah. Definitely. I was learning. So I have a tendency to want to be a caregiver, and I'm sure a lot of our listeners can identify with that. And I like to know what to do.

I like to fix things. But in this case, I couldn't. You know, I was very reliant on other people and receiving, reliant on receiving care. My daughters wanted to know what would happen, and I couldn't give them answers. I couldn't say with confidence, like, what would happen, but I could say the reasons that I knew God was in this, the reasons that I trusted God for what was gonna happen, I can say it's gonna be okay without saying I fixed it.

And then I also learned that I have a really hard time letting God to be in control. I think that goes a lot together with that. But he's so gracious and patient in helping me let that go. And know, I guess it's another one of those things that, like, I know in my head he's in charge and he's driving, but how many times do I jump into the driver's seat and try and control it? I mean, the thing is, I don't know what's next.

I mean, this is still part of a journey. I don't know if this part of the story is even over, but I know whatever happens, I do have landmarks to know that God will be there. He was and he will be.

So I'm sure our listeners have gone through really challenging things, maybe not your exact experience, but things that feel very similar. Or maybe there's people out there listening who are going through something really hard right now. So what would you say to those folks who are feeling overwhelmed today?

I guess look for those little love notes or what we call little sprinkles. I like to think of them as love notes from God. As somebody who just smiles at you for no reason, like a genuine smile. It's, like I said, that perfect song at the right moment.

And it just reminds me of 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was really distressed, and he was burned out, and he was just seeking God. He was exhausted, and he was scared, but he knew to go to God. And he was expecting God to be bold, but God wasn't in these loud thunderous things. God came to him in a whisper. And so just looking for God in the whisper, positioning yourself in the right place.

Being obedient to that because when you're in the right place to hear his whisper is when you feel him holding you. I've had spiritual rhythms kind of shift throughout the years, but one that I recognize more now is to include being intentional about listening for God and being obedient. For example, I really felt God's nudging to get healthy, like, months before my diagnosis. And I feel like the better eating and exercise habits put me in a better place to be physically and mentally healthy for what was to come.

Yeah. Being still and listening for where God is speaking. Sounds like in your case in particular, it's being intentional -- look for not just the big stuff, but the little stuff, the whisper, the love notes, the sprinkles, you know, it's looking for God in between those big loud messages as well.

Yes. Like we all want these big neon signs to tell us what to do or it's great. Things like that.

Well, then the other key thing you said was obedience. So it's not just listening to it, but actually hearing and responding to what God puts in front of us. Well, as we wrap up today, I would love to just hear, how would you summarize this story? What key truth can listeners pull and hold on to from your story today?

Yeah. And I know it can sound dark. And, you know, I just wanna make the point that this is actually hard to share because it's easy to tell people the facts about here's what happened, but it's harder to kind of dig into it. And I wanna help people have hope. Like, I don't want them to just feel hear the facts and feel, oh, that was a rough time, you know, but to know the hope that was there.

And so to be honest, I have significant trust issues that come from painful life experiences, things that happened to me where I was let down by people that I should have been able to rely on. Over the years, I have been building my trust in God. And so this was a big part of my journey in doing that. I mean, there's hope in knowing that he's directing it for good purpose. So if there are people hearing my story today who are going through something and you're wondering where God is in it or just struggling with something, he is actually guiding you in relying on him.

He isn't like humans. His nature is trustworthy, and that isn't just now in this moment in my story. That's throughout history. He was faithful to Elijah when he was running and scared. And I know that for my story and for yours, whatever you're going through or will go through, that there is definitely hope in that because God is there then, he's there now, and he will be whenever, whatever is to come.

Agreed. Well said. Thank you so much, Katharine, for trusting us with your story and sharing your heart with us today and for giving our listeners hope in hard times. Thanks for being with us.

Thank you so much.

As we close this episode, we're reminded that hope doesn't always arrive with answers or a clear path forward. Sometimes hope comes as a whisper, a sunrise still breaking through the dark, a timely word, a quiet assurance that God is already present even when we can't see yet what he's doing. Katharine's story reminds us that God is trustworthy, not because life is easy or predictable, but because his character does not change. When everything feels like too much, when trust feels hard, and when control slips from our grasp, God remains steady, patient, and near. If you're listening today and feeling a need to step back from the chaos of life and hear from the Lord, a retreat could be a great spiritual formation exercise to consider.

Email us at ncf.intervarsity.org to see if there are any upcoming retreats in person near you. Or you can grab a few friends and set aside a couple hours to go through our CodePray retreat guide. You can find more info at tiny.cccodepray. Thank you for listening to Following Jesus in Nursing. If this episode encouraged you, please consider sharing it, subscribing, or leaving a review.

And don't forget to check out NCF membership at ncf-jcn.org. Be sure to use the coupon code following for $10 off. Katharine, thank you so much for sharing your story today. And to our listeners, if you're neck deep in bad news, may you notice the small love notes God is sending you. The people, moments, and gentle nudges that remind you that you're not alone.

God is faithful in the hard places. He was there in the dark. He is with you now, and he will be there in whatever comes next.