Following Jesus in Nursing

Welcome to Following Jesus in Nursing, a podcast for nurses and students produced by InterVarsity's Nurses Christian Fellowship. I'm your host, Lara K. Kiser, and together, we'll be inspired by our guest stories, tackle big questions with experts in the field, and walk together in following Jesus at the intersection of faith and nursing.

So I think that would be my message to nurses to say, you know what? Don't get tired of doing the good thing that God called you to do. Find the strength in him and allow yourself that leading empowerment as a believer and keep pushing through because you could do that. You could do that with God's help. And that attitude matters, and that attitude comes from what we believe.

In the last episode, you heard the first half of my conversation with Dr. Santhiny Rajamohan, who shared her own stories of developing resilience through hardship. And we learned her 4 pillars of resilience: relationship, exercise, self compassion, and trust in God's timing. If you haven't listened to it yet, I highly recommend going back to listen before continuing this episode. Today, we'll hear more about self leadership and what it takes to actually lead oneself through these pillars of resilience. Listen in.

So what about the opposite end? Those who don't have power to change the big pieces. They still have agency over their own choices, though, and empowered to influence and impact their coworkers and colleagues alongside them, their peers. So these might be bedside nurses or students. What's one step that they can take in building resiliency for themselves?

You know, this is a loaded question, Lara, and I hope there's time for me to kinda go into a bit of detail about this because this is what was the driving factor for me developing this framework of rest as more of a self leadership model. So let me explain that a little bit. What does self leadership even mean? Right?

What does it mean to lead ourselves? So we'll get into that, but it is something you can learn. Because waiting for somebody to lead you is one thing, and we need to have systems in place that are supportive to support our nurses. I am not saying that's not the case. That is separate.

Right? The organizational support must be there. But then when it's missing, what is it that we need to do that's within our power to keep moving? That is what I needed to live through and run through in my life where I'm very passionate about the self leadership topic. And in order to do that, I need to be aware of my own emotional needs.

Right? Without that, you know, you can't really become emotionally strong. So ignoring things isn't gonna help us at all. So becoming intentional to move from a victim mentality to victor. Even when we are victimized, we need to become more intentional working through them because somebody's victimizing me.

I cannot stay in that space because then I lose the energy to move forward. So the Scripture 1 John 5:4 talks about how, you know, God has already overcome the world. Right? He already got the victory over the world, so we need to claim that victory and shift thinking towards that victor. You know?

So for me, what it means to lead myself is knowing that my capacity, that God given capacity to deal with temptation, is already there. God is gonna give me what I need to go through that. None of what I'm going through was a surprise to God. Even though things were hard, I just couldn't believe I was facing some of the hardship. I know it wasn't a surprise to God, and I have another theory. It's about when we go through them and know that there's a hardship that I need to work through, I can do that with God's help. It's a compliment from God because God is trusting me, right, that I can handle this hardship with him. So that's something I developed early on in my college life. Okay, God. Like, I'm failing this, but most of the nursing courses were very difficult for me, so I was barely passing them.

So when I had one failure, I'm like, God, You know, you brought me here. You chose my family to come to this country, and I know I can't be a failure. You know I have to shift my thinking. What do I learn from this? What can I do differently going forward? So all that to say, that was a a good lesson for me to, like, reflect on, it came with the price. You know, all these painful lessons are what moved me forward. And, I also have to understand it's not so unique to me. Life challenge has happened to everyone.

Right? You're hearing my story, but there are a lot of stories out there. Our students have stories. Our nurses have stories. And I also learned it's okay to fit out. No matter where I go in life look. I look different. I talk different. Sometime I dress different. Right?

So why do I have to feel the need to fit in? Like, where did that even come from? So I learned it's okay to fit out as long as I am pursuing God's purpose. So that gave me confidence in him to keep moving his work forward. He forgives and restores relationships.

So the abuses I was telling you about, I needed to learn how to forgive them. So I can maybe talk about later about my favorite book, Job, and and the lesson I learned from that. And he also uses all the detours in my life to fulfill his purpose because he knows, you know, that he called me for a purpose. I know that, and he's gonna make it all work even if I feel like, my goodness, that didn't go the way I wanted. I just have to trust that he's gonna get me through.

Right? And I need to model Christ and represent him no matter where I show up. Right? That's work in progress for all of us. And I can also walk in victory when I persevere in faith and God's grace, because he's faithful, and he'll never forsake me.

Right? I'm never alone when I have this kind of a faith and, you know, calling in my life. So in that, I also have to ask myself, how would I rate my relationship with myself? So for you, how would you rate your relationship with yourself? Right? What would you say to yourself? You know, how are you getting along? On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 is the best way possible and one is not so good. And then if you are not rating yourself highly, but if I ask you, how are you getting along with your friend? You may say, well, 9 out of 10.

Well, why is that discrepancy? Why do we treat our friends much more kinder than sometime the kindness that we need to show towards ourselves, especially when we make some mistakes or do things that didn't go the way it needed to go? You know, I think, the Scripture everybody knows about loving yourself like you would love others. Right? We can only love others if we love ourself. It's not a selfish thing. It's really what God commands us to do. So we need to really think about what is that loving ourself means scripturally. You know? Because we are called to be God's temple.

We are his temple. So hearing all aspects of that matters. Right? And then considering these abuses, Romans 12:19 talks about, you know, vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. It's not my job to do something back to someone because they were mean to me or whatever the case may be. That is so hard, surrendering that to God. And, I think when I got to a point in my life and I was able to do that, that's when I got the freedom to feel that peace that can only come from God. Right? So, if I could do that, I know anyone can do that because God is not a respecter of people.

Right? He treats all of us the same. So that really matters when you're talking about relationship with ourself and who we are, how God called us to be. Right? And, when we are talking about caring for God's temple daily, that's ourself, that also calls for purity of heart, mind, soul.

Living a holy life. What does that mean? And, also, it is a divine responsibility to take care of our body and mind and spirit. Right? So if we respect God and know that we are created in his image, caring for ourself is not optional, it's mandatory. I had to remind that often. Right? Because I know it doesn't mean I'm perfectly doing that. I just have to say, okay. I need to go to bed because my brain needs to sleep so it can think better. Right? So, I hope, you know, that perspective can be helpful to the listeners and then appreciating the season we go through. Sometimes some seasons are much longer, especially when you're going through a hard time. But we know nothing lasts forever. Everything has time.

You know? We know from the Scripture that there's a season for everything. And, you know, we know from Matthew 6:26 where it talks about God takes care of the birds there, how much more valuable we are to God. Right? Just claiming that. And when I tried to think about things that I have no control over or worry about things, I have to remind myself, Nope, God cares about the birds, and I'm much more important to him than that. Right? So that always encouraged me, to just have that. So we have to decide how are we encouraging ourself because that is another thing in addition to finding hope in life, which for me, hope comes from God.

Knowing that, you know, his purpose, is everlasting even though I'm not sensing him all the time. And then how do I encourage myself? So knowing the Scripture, using the Scripture could help us to, you know, have that confidence. And, also, to know, do we have time built in for ourself? I have everything else on the calendar. Do I have me time? So that's something I try to bring it to my students too. Do you have your time schedule? Whether that's exercise or taking a break, a daily, where is me time built in. Right?

We are not intentional, that's not gonna happen. So that hopefully helps to frame where we need to be in order to lead ourself, and then developing that confidence in God. Right? Embracing the life God has given us because of his purpose.

And oftentimes, I know the struggles come from when students compare themselves to others. I think that is the hardest thing for some of us to work through, but we also have to understand comparing ourselves to others is not a fair comparison at all because we don't know what people have gone through. I love what Dr. John Maxwell said. He said the fair comparison is that you compare yourself to your previous self. So I need to compare myself today to how I was yesterday, last month, last year.

Am I doing better? Am I developing myself? Right? So that is what needs to happen when our mind is tempted to compare ourself to so-and-so and then feeling bad about, like, oh, I'm not able to do that. I know that's a difficult topic for this generation, younger generation, looking at all the social media platforms when people are posting things and, you know, no wonder mental health challenges are on the rise for our younger people to work through.

So I think for all of that to, you know, become more meaningful for people's life is to really examine how am I holding myself? How do I feel about myself when I know that God has a specific purpose and he created me in his image? Why do I doubt that? So working through that personal relationship with God is gonna be a key, especially for those believers that are struggling. Right?

And then maybe I'll share the Scripture where Matthew 17:20 talks about Jesus said, because of your unbelief, for verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say unto this mountain, remove hence to yonder place, and it shall be removed, and nothing shall be impossible unto you. I mean, that's talking about having a mustard seed amount of faith. So how much faith can we have and to claim that promises to be able to persevere through our challenges. Right? So, anyhow, I hope that's helpful and also, you know, to have record of God's track record.

How did he get us through life in the past? Right? God never changes. He's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So even encouraging us and reminding us is very, very important.

Right? And he can give us the strength. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That's also one of my favorite verses. It's Philippians 4:13.

And not to get tired of doing good. You know? Galatians 6:9 talks about not to get weary. So I think that would be my message to nurses to say, you know what? Don't get tired of doing the good thing that God called you to do. Find the strength in him and allow yourself that leading empowerment as a believer and keep pushing through because you could do that. You could do that with God's help. And that attitude matters, and that attitude come from what we believe. What we believe is shaped by who we are in Christ.

Yeah. Wow. I love that. Just as you were talking, I was thinking about a book. I think it's called Be Kind to Yourself. I'll put it in the show notes. It just talks about what you were saying of like, it's so important to have that self talk, that perspective on ourselves of kindness. So I found myself imagining my mom's voice. My mom is such a wonderful, kind, nurturing person.

So, like, when I do something wrong, I just say, it's okay, honey. And, you know, it's okay. You did the best that you knew how to do. That's something another friend of mine says to me. Like, you did the best you knew how to do with the information you had at the time. And so I try to tell myself that a lot, you know, to have have grace with myself.

Absolutely. You know what? It is hard when you're dealing with people that are difficult. So for nurses, I mean, the patience can be very challenging at times. Right? So how do we deal with difficult people? That's something, you know, when I was going through some of these life challenges, I wondered why someone is being this toxic or difficult. What I learned is they are reacting to something they're going through. So learning not to take it personally is a journey. Right?

So I would say, like, that is where the emotional regulation comes in for nurses not to take it personally. It's not them. It's just the patient is going through a tough time. And I love this quote from Carl Jung, who's a Swiss psychiatrist. He said, everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourself.

So when someone is bothering me, even though they may be doing something wrong, including my spouse at times, I have to say, like, what is that telling me? Am I impatient toward my children? Right? What is that really teaching me? So to better understand others, we have to better understand ourself.

And the question to ask is not what is wrong with this person who's being, you know, difficult. Instead, what is this irritation telling me about myself? What can I learn more? Right? I know that may seem pretty simple, but if we start to ask that question, it's gonna help us to develop more of who we need to become. Right? So I think that is important, and I may now share about Job's story. This one of my favorite books because I lived through so many hardships in life and starting all over, coming to Canada with a suitcase full of clothes, and, we didn't have a lot to go by. Right?

So I needed to find a book from the Bible that kind of spoke to me. So when Job lost everything, right, I felt like I was there when I started my life in Canada. I don't know, nearly 30 years ago. But you know what the powerful story for me lately, we I realized from book of Job is the forgiveness. You know, forgiveness is not something that we're gonna have the abusers come and say, Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That may never happen. But Job 40:10 is where God actually told Job to forgive his friends. Remember, he had 3 friends that came, sat with him for 7 days, didn't say a word.

Right? Those times, it was very therapeutic. Job felt comforted knowing that, you know, his friends traveled far to be there with him, and he's going through this hard time. But then as soon as they start to talk, they were, like, trying to come up with reason why he is suffering in life. Right?

So, you know, that time, you know, the fact that God didn't say to Job's friends, go ask forgiveness from Job. He literally tells Job, you need to repent and forgive your friends. So Job did that. That is when God gave everything back. Right?

So I desire in my life to be the first one to forgive and let go. It is difficult. It is not easy at all. But if I don't do that, then I will lose the peace God gives me daily. So I just want to feel that freedom daily in him that can move me forward and not hold me back from the other things God called me to do. So, you know, Job did not react and lose his faith, but he remained faithful. So that is truly what I'm desiring, and I would encourage our listeners too. You know, what is your desire to do in life? Right? And then the other thing to also be sensitive is to know that we are controlled by the Holy Spirit, not by our emotion. Even though it's easy as humans to just react especially to negative emotions. Right? But even when you do that, it's okay. Show yourself kindness and then come back and say, God, is this truly how I need to be led? So being aware of those feelings is important.

Right? You know, I cry out to God all the time. That is the way that I release my emotion to him, and then I usually feel pretty well afterwards. Sometime it goes on for 20 minutes depending what kind of experience I'm having in life. But that just gives you total peace when you pray and cry and surrender all to God and say, God, lead me. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know whether I wanna go back to work tomorrow. That may be some of the nurses saying. But you know what? Communicate that with God. He listens, you know, even though he knows when we verbalize that.

Right? That helps. And I also wanna make sure that I do say something about emotional suppression. You know, I don't want to make it sound like it's so easy to do. It's not. Sometimes, emotional suppression is needed, especially when someone is going through some traumatic event, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Those victims, they definitely need to have that as a survival mechanism. It's called self preservation. They probably need professional help, long term therapy to get better and do better in life, and that is so critical that they seek help. And, there are a lot of programs like healing journey programs that may be available through the faith community.

But I'm in general talking about those without any of the history of, you know, emotional trauma background to know to be aware of your own feeling so that you can regulate your emotions, moment by moment, so that you can be there and become that the better version God calls you to be to serve patients or your students, whatever the case may be. Hopefully, that helps to answer your question about how do we lead ourselves.

So, you know, I would say that to nurses and students, find that journey. It's gonna look different for everyone. Right? What does that mean to lead yourself forward in faith, and in peace so that you can fulfill your calling?

Thank you so much. Anything else that we would like to share that we didn't get to yet?

I just wanna maybe highlight something about self compassion because that is the difficult part for, you know, nurses or students because you get wrapped up in the busyness of what you have to do, and we don't take time to care for God's temple even though we know it's our divine responsibility. Because here is what science tells us: When we are self compassionate, you know, it is really helpful for us to have depression that is lower, anxiety that's less, stress that is less. So greater self compassion is connected to or correlated to lower level of depression, anxiety, and stress. And, self compassion is also an important predictor of well-being and resilience.

So it is important that we figure out why we are having difficulty caring for ourself. I like Proverbs 4:23 where it talks about guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life. So what we allow in our heart and mind matters. Right? How we need to determine how to care for ourselves.

And, not only that, there is lot more research about self compassion. When you're self compassionate, you're more likely to be motivated. So if you wanna be motivated to do something or get something done, we need to care for ourselves, show compassion. We work harder. We are not afraid to go out of our comfort zone.

We are willing to take some risk and try new things. We procrastinate less. I like that. You know? Anytime I don't wanna do something, I always ask, well, am I really being caring towards myself? Why am I pushing this back? Like, why can't I just take care of it? Right? Sometime having soft conversation and soft talk is really therapeutic for me. When you're self compassionate, you're also more proactive.

There's also evidence when you're self compassionate, you recover more easily from divorce. I thought that that's an interesting finding. Not only that, you also will have ability to deal with chronic pain and disease. So there are a lot more benefits to caring for ourself. And there are 3 components to self compassion as mindfulness, self kindness, and a common humanity.

Let me just take a quick second to explain that. Mindfulness is having a balanced perspective on situations. You know? Not to say, oh my goodness. It's all my mistake. But to take it back and say, you know what? No. That can happen to anyone. So being mindful of that. And then self kindness, taking an active role to do something kind for yourself.

Right? It takes intentionality. It doesn't come easily, so we have to train ourself to do that. And then common humanity is understanding that whatever it is that we are going through, this is part of human condition. Right? We are never alone. It's not unique to us. I'm sure someone else is also experiencing that. And don't let it, you know, don't you know that you yourself are God's temple? I think I already talked about that.

First Corinthians, you know, tells us that we are the temple of God. And then I'm not sure you know Eleanor Brown. I like her. Some quotes she talks about rest and self care, how they are important.

But when you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow, not from emptiness. Right? So we are called to serve others from overflow, not from an empty cup. So all that to say, you know, when we get to that self compassionate difficult situation that we are not able to show compassion, we need to remind ourselves, I'm kidding myself if I could just go without, you know, taking care of myself because I need to know how to charge my own battery. Right? So that I can be brighter to care for others. Right? We need to shine brighter so that others can see the brightness and really glorify God and not to feel like, oh my goodness. Look. She's dragging.

Like, what's wrong with her? Right? Like, student senses, patient senses the nurses when they are not, you know, really caring for themselves. So that is not how we want a role model. Right?

So it needs to become a priority for us. And then you know what? Totally trusting God. I didn't understand. I lost my sister to brain cancer a couple of years ago, and I ended up caring for her here for 18 months.

And she was in an abusive relationship I didn't know. So without that diagnosis, she wouldn't have left that environment. I didn't understand. I didn't know why things were happening and why she ended up passing. And I know she's in a better place with God, but trusting God's timing, you know, sometimes can be challenging.

It depends what you're experiencing. But knowing that with faith, we can overcome anything. You know? I just have to hold on to that as difficult it was. You know?

What went well? You know? I had to come to that understanding. You know what? If she didn't come, maybe the two and a half years she stayed alive wouldn't have happened because she wouldn't have been able to go through chemo and radiation.

So even in that difficult situation, finding something to be grateful for was important to me. And, because of her moving, her kids were able to get out and just now have a better life from that situation. So all that to say, you know, what did I learn from all of that, and how do I now become a teacher? Because God allowed these painful experiences teach me something. So why I'm passionate about my work is I don't want others to go through the painful lived experience like I have.

Right? I never thought I would become a writer. English is not even my first language. Right? So once I wrote my first article, I think it was for the Journal of Christian Nursing, and when they accepted it, I thought, God, like, I could actually do this. So writing became more of me sharing my message with more people. Right? So I had to rethink what I even think about being an author or speaker. You know, it's not that I want glory for my name.

Like, who am I? I'm nothing if God hasn't taught me these lessons. Now that I learned these last lessons and I'm now really responsible sharing them to whoever is willing to listen and be encouraged. Right? So, I am continually being transformed. Right? My learning journey continues. I have not arrived, but I have much more lessons I would love to share with those who are willing to listen and maybe be encouraged. Right? And I wanna bring my concluding parts to that message of rest.

So for me, what does it mean to enter God's rest? You know, we really have to reflect on how to rest our soul. Right? Remember I told you, rest means peace for me. And, obviously, Jesus invites us to come unto him to receive his rest. Right? So if people haven't accepted his invitation, then it may be difficult for them to relate to what I'm saying. But these are for believers. I could encourage and say, finding that way to rest in him is so important. And to go back to that, you know, struggle ometime we have is not relying on the Scripture, but to try to rely on our own understanding.

That doesn't work. Right? So all that to say, I just wanna go back to the rest question. It's not so much we are always able to get away from something to feel that rest, but we need to learn how to rest in everything we are doing. Right?

How do I feel rest in the work? How do I feel rest right now when you are asking me questions and I'm sharing? You know, I'm at rest. I'm at peace because I'm doing something I'm passionate about. But sometimes people don't have time to get away.

Right? So how do we find that rest in everything we are doing? Because when our soul is at rest, it allows transforming life, transforming confidence. So I would just encourage students and nurses to know, like, how do I find that rest in everything I'm doing? And I don't think you can get to that place without having a personal relationship with Jesus.

And, Joshua 1:9 is another favorite Scripture of mine. It says, be strong and of good courage. Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed. For the Lord thy God is with thee wherever you go. Right?

So no matter wherever you go sometime, you know what? This needing to leave an abusive environment if they are not able to find the strength to lead themselves. So this is not a message for people to stay in a abusive environment. Not at all. But you'll know what your limits are.

See, for me, I stayed in a situation for almost 4 years because I made a commitment to continue to grow in the Lord. And when I prayed about it, God did not give me peace about leaving. So I'm so glad as hard as it was, I stayed because that made me who I am today. You know, to be able to be intentional to forgive and to go beyond your comfort zone, to do something nice for your abuser, and then to invite and, even edify them in a way that, God just moves you. Right?

When God is with you, you can do much more things than you can ever imagine. So I would have missed all that opportunity if I would have just left, taken the easiest route. But that may not be the journey for everyone. Right? So I want to be sensitive to that and to let my audience know that there is no single pathway.

This REST framework is so dear and near to my heart because this is part of my testimony and my lived journey. Then, yes, we have science to support all the components of rest. But you're unique, and God has a unique purpose and plan for you. And you have to reflect on what that is and to allow God to transform you through whatever challenges you're going through. So I just wanna make sure that message is clear as well as some of the things that helped me. You know, one of the fun facts, I think you asked me about that, maybe writing, I like birds. Especially eagle is my favorite. And you can Google eagle and learn all the lessons, especially leadership lessons, and God even compares himself to eagles. So there's so much about that. You can really learn and be encouraged. Eagles actually rise above storms.

You know, when a storm comes, all the birds go and hide, but eagles rise above and look down. So in order to have that kind of an attitude, we definitely have to study eagles. But I also want to have a visual image. So for me, going through school, I was thinking, like, okay. I'm gonna get to graduation.

Right? So that got me through to school, you know, and then, I also know I'm now no longer in school. Hopefully, I don't have to ever go back to school. I hope not. I'm too old for that.

You know, I want God to say, well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter thou into the joy of the Lord. Right? Matthew 25:21. And I wanna have that complete surrender to God and to see and recognize the path to peace so that that becomes my daily motivation.

Right? Because I developed a model, I talked about it, I published on it, doesn't mean I have arrived. God definitely brings me opportunity to truly live my model and to know, like, how do I keep going with that, and how can I really bring that encouragement and empowerment to others? So I hope that's helpful. And whatever that visually makes that you need to have, like, think about that.

Right? And I love this armor of God that comes from Ephesians. You know, putting on the full armor of God. So I you know, if you're a male, you can think about, like, having all these gadgets. You know?

Think about how that looks like. You know? For me, starting the day with prayer. You know? On your knees, asking God to help you. He will. He will come through. So I hope that's helpful in a way that coming up is something to visualize, to go after can be an encouragement. And then even printing that, the first two years of COVID, I had the word surrender as my visionary word because it took me 2 years to kinda get to work through that because I wasn't very good about surrendering right away. So whatever that is, to come up with the word or phrase that can remind us to move us forward.

Thank you so much. This was just a remarkable conversation. I appreciate you so much, Dr. Rajamohan. I think that you're just an incredible person. I'm so grateful for all the ways that you've persevered in your life and your willingness to share this message and your stories with people. Our listeners are gonna be so blessed to hear this, so thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Oh, you're welcome. Thank you. You know? More glory to God. Without him, I wouldn't be here to share this message. So I'm grateful to him and grateful to you for reaching out, and I hope this becomes an encouragement to those who are listening. So thank you, Lara.

Well, there were just dozens of nuggets of wisdom in this episode, so I'm just gonna paraphrase and reiterate some of the blessings that our guest has spoken over us today. In Christ, you are free to fit out instead of forcing yourself to fit in. You are free to choose a victor mentality instead of a victim mentality. Be kind to yourself. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit. You are free to forgive and release your hurt and anger, because vengeance belongs to the Lord. God has gotten you through tough things in the past, and he will do so again.

Thanks for listening, and don't forget to check out NCF membership at ncf-jcn.org and get $10 off with the coupon code Following.

Thanks for joining us for another inspiring episode of Following Jesus in Nursing. We hope you've been encouraged and equipped in integrating your faith with your nursing practice. Be sure to check out our show notes for info about connecting with Nurses Christian Fellowship as well as links and resources mentioned in today's episode. And remember, as you go about your work as a nurse, you are not alone. Jesus is right there with you, guiding your steps and using you to bring healing to those in need.

Thanks for listening to Following Jesus in Nursing, and may your faith continue to be a light.